Numb

My Grandfather passed away yesterday afternoon. My Dad came to tell me, and as soon as I saw his truck in the driveway, I knew. I literally fell to my knees, crushed with grief that was so raw, so physically painful, I couldn't breathe. I did not know that my body would HURT, that my heart could feel, quite literally, broken.

Knowing it was going to happen didn't really protect me after all.

VCB stayed by my side, appearing shortly after I got the news. Thank God I have a strong and loving hand to hold. Thank God I don't have to do this alone.

Certain other people I really *expected* to care, have been completely absent; while relative strangers (my landlord, Twitter friends, the kids' school principal) have expressed sincere and heartfelt condolences. Even Jackass and his family have been helpful and concerned. It's been interesting. I am trying to keep my expectations to a bare minimum and muddle through, appreciating the surprise blessings and good wishes, without letting my anger and disappointment about the behavior of others creep up to gnaw at my gut. VCB will hold my hand, and it will all work out the way it's supposed to.

Tomorrow we will drive the long, long drive, which will, no doubt, be made longer still by the sad duty ahead- laying him to rest.