I suck.

It's been one of those weeks where every day is mildly crappy in some low key way, with migraines and garbage and bills and insomnia; with kids running amok, and spilling things and whining and needing things every five minutes; with my job teetering on the brink of collapse, my house falling down around my ears; piles of too much to do and not enough time or resources to do any of it; where everyone's been pissed at me for one reason or another and I am somewhat able to see their points but mostly I just want to tell everyone to FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

But of course I can't do that. So I am sucking it up and trying not to lose my tenuous grip on sanity. Which requires quite a lot of caffeine, and alcohol, and outright denial, to tell you the truth.

Last night I had to work this event hosted by a local TV station for unemployed people. There was a bar and a lot of socializing and I stood by our table with my coffee, feeling like a fish out of water. Several times I struck up conversations with people who stopped by the table and my boss would subtly edge his way into the conversation and then suddenly I was standing on the outside of the situation looking- literally- at the back of my boss' suit coat. I haven't felt so awkwardly excluded since I accidentally sat at the cheerleaders table my first day of high school. So yeah. That was fun.

Today I was going to take the kids to the pool and go shoe shopping for my son. I had a conference call with a publisher and a couple other "plans". But then the weather reported a severe thunderstorm warning, and an unbloggable difference of opinion arose between me and someone I agreed not to blog about and now I am all gut-wrenched and unmotivated and pissed off and sad and worthless. It's too early to start drinking and I am out of chocolate. 

What I know I need to do is go out and get on my treadmill. What I will probably do instead is barricade myself in my room and wallow.