VCB is still Very Cute, and he is still putting up with me and trying to help me sort all my BS out. He is being very patient, but I'd be lying if I didn't say it's kind of scary and threatening to be having major self-realizations when it simultaneously dawns on you that yo, your partner not only knows this and sees this about you, he has seen it for months. The things I think I hide, he sees. Before I am ready to deal with them. As my brother famously put it, "He has her number."
Yes, he does. Damnit.
My wall doesn't work with him. He sees right through it. And so that means I have to figure out how to be real, to let him in, to be authentic and deal with all the shit I'd just as soon ignore. It scares the hell out of me. I don't know if I can do that, if it's a risk I am strong enough to take. I am starting to see that I have been pushing him back and trying to keep him at arm's length all this time. I have a choice to make and I am scared to death.
Do I jump and trust him to catch me?
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