Much drama has ensued at GBR since the last post y'all. I love the blog concept but I have had mixed feelings about what to share and what not to since, this is obviously not the most private of forums. You never know who may be reading it or when it might show up in Court.
I decided to do some editing today and link this to my Facebook page so that I can keep my faraway relatives current on what's happening with me and the kids. The whole single parent thing plus my job has really kept me hopping and I find I am not staying in touch as well as I should. My New Years Resolution is to blog more often.
So, back in November we were still waiting a decision from the court about the ownership of the GBR house. In Jackass' and I's original separation agreement he had agreed to sign his interest in the house over to me. Our separation last January actually started out amicably...it was only in April, when it became clear that he was in A. Lot. of. Trouble, things went horribly bad. Honestly, the only reason I ever even hired an attorney was because his father (Jackass Sr.) threatened me. (Thanks, for that, I guess, ex-FIL. It was probably the best thing you could have done for me.) Jackass Sr. was determined to sell the house to bail Jackass out of trouble- he wanted to use the equity to either finish Jackass' projects, or for Jackass' inevitable legal fees. I was equally determined not to lose my kids' home as it was the most affordable housing option I was likely to find; and also because the customers that were trying to prosecute Jackass had assured me that as long as the house was mine they wouldn't try to attach it as an asset in any civil suits. I ended up selling everything I owned of value to keep the mortgage paid up, and losing my truck, because Jackass didn't pay any support at all for four months- but the house note was paid.
The obvious downside of living there was that Jackass knew where to find me. He drove by regularly. I had tire tracks through my yard all the time. My mail was stolen. He took to taking anything outdoors that wasn't nailed down. I had no privacy. I was always jumpy. I was never sure when I left the house, what would happen while I was gone. The kids would do "inspections" whenever we got home to see what was missing. The authorities wouldn't help me as technically the house was "marital property". I took every single important paper, my computer, and all my valuables everywhere I went for four months. I chained my patio furniture down and put heavy chains across the driveway, but that didn't stop Jackass. Once he even went to the house with the kids during his visitation, used a concrete saw to cut the chain, dumped the kids inside the house and stole a truck from the backyard before delivering the kids back to me.
And, believe it or not, HE wasn't even the worst of it. His business owes some very sketchy characters a lot of money. THEY knew where we lived too. And since they couldn't find Jackass, well, you can imagine how much fun that was. A steady parade of pissed off contractors, process servers, sheriffs deputies, private investigators and collections agents were on my doorstep night and day. After a particularly ugly confrontation I posted Jackass' contact information and stopped answering the door. Which led to him having me charged with, of all things, criminal identity theft. (insert eyeroll here)
The week before school started, Jackass informed me that we had filled out the Quitclaim deed on the house backwards, and that as he was the sole owner, the kids and I were to vacate the premises, immediately, so he could sell it. $7800 in attorney's fees later the judge dropped all charges against me with a stern admonishment to Jackass, and I had a permanent Protective Order banning Jackass from contact with me. Over the course of five days, after dark-to avoid arousing Jackass' suspicion, we slowly moved our belongings a van load at a time, into the only rental house we could find in the school district. It costs $300/ month more than the other house and is half the size. We had to give up our dog. Despite the Protective Order, he is still trying everything he can to find our new address- including throwing fits at the kids' school demanding their files and threatening to follow the school busses. I have the local Sheriff on speed dial, a watch on our house, a free security system from the County, and am on a first name basis with quite a few deputies.
Since the eviction Jackass has not paid a single dime to the mortgage company, and has only sporadically paid child support. I discovered that the whole way his business was structured, from the beginning in 1994, was designed by he and his parents to make sure I incurred tax liability without being able to make any claim of ownership- and yet now they are all claiming that the business is mine, all mine. He bought himself a Jeep and appealed my sole legal and physical custody- then didn't show up for Court.
Lately he boldly goes out of his way to confront acquaintances in public to trash talk me and by all accounts acts as though he is a victim. Depending on the day, and who he talks to, he is either homeless, or lives in a beautiful house near his parents, or with his girlfriend in a house, or with a room mate in an apartment. He says he is either unemployed or owns a landscaping company or works for a friend. In his more recent accounts of why we split, he says I was sleeping with a subcontractor he used- a man I have never even met. People he has talked to say he makes them really uncomfortable as he is clearly "off". There is speculation that he is using drugs.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch....the authorities continue to assure me that he will be arrested any time and likely faces at least several years in prison. My inlaws continue to assure me that they will sue me for visitation with the kids when that occurs.
Two weeks ago I won the house on GBR. It's in foreclosure. The judge ordered Jackass to bring the payments current, and to reinstall all the appliances he removed, in working order. Jackass told the mortgage company he'd rather go to jail than pay. He tossed the appliances back in, rather than installing them, killed my two beloved Japanese Maple trees, and had some fun with wire cutters in the attic before he turned the house back over to me. I can't rent it as is, and I can't afford to fix the damage he did. We go back to Court to finalize the divorce on January 30 and I am assured by my attorney that Jackass WILL be escorted directly to jail until he pays for the damages plus the back payments. This is cold comfort as it may be too late at that point.
Whatever happens next, I know I am better off. When we first split, because of all of my careful work over the years, no one really understood why I was so unhappy with him. Only my mother and best friend supported the decision, and even they did not know the true extent of his emotional and physical abuse. Over the course of this year, my ex having revealed his true colors in a spectacular display of Jackassery, everyone I have talked to about the situation has wondered aloud how I managed to stay in the relationship as long as I did. He obviously has some severe mental health issues. (The professionals' best guesses are Narcissistic Personality Disorder and/ or Anti-social Personality Disorder plus an attachment disorder and Depression- all of which fit with what we know of his family history and his brother's diagnoses) He had openly dealt with them during the last year of our marriage, but I had begged him for years to seek treatment...It was a sad case of too little, too late. For whatever reason he had been secretly stealing from his customers for quite some time and would definitely be facing prosecution even if we were still together. Which would be a much worse scenario for me and the kids, by far.
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